Asura's Wrath is (Finally) Worth Picking Up

At long last.

OK, I get that this game has been out for the better part of a year now. Most people who were sufficiently wowed by the demo likely already bought the game, beat it, and played the DLC to boot. So what makes this game so worth picking up now?

Two words: Price drop.

Asura's Wrath isn't so much a video game as it is a cinematic experience that you occasionally push buttons to. Think Dragons Lair only with some beat-em-up elements and alot more beating of the chest. The presentation and narrative give the game a very episodic, anime-esque feel and in that respect alone, it's worth checking out. The problem is, Capcom jammed this with so many cut scenes that they forgot to add gameplay. Sure, there are enjoyable moments where you DO fight an army of bad guys or a boss in pretty much every stage (or "episode") but the majority of actual gameplay comes in the form of quicktime events with the occasional (and incredibly brief) combat or psuedo-shooter sequence thrown in.



Asura's Wrath is a fun game, despite a noticeable lack of "game" therein. It may feel like 80% cut scene but to be fair, those cut scenes are fucking awesome. I defy you to play through the Wyzen battle and not go "holy shit!" at least once. I sure as hell couldn't and nobody I've talked to who has played this has been able to say that either. The size and scope of some of the enemies you fight in Asura's Wrath put even the giant bosses in Shadow of the Collosus to shame and I couldn't wipe the big dumb smile off of my face every time the "On the next Episode" video came up as a preview for the next stage.

Of course with all of that said, this was in NO way worth the $60 price tag attached when it was first released. At all. The ratio of of cut scenes to actual gameplay is more abysmal than in Metal Gear Solid 4 and if you look at your stats at the end of each level, the average "playtime" recorded tends to fall between 3 and 8 minutes. When you do the math, that comes roughly 2 hours of actual gameplay for a 6-8 hour game. The Orange Box, it was not.



Now, the game has dropped in price and you can pick it up, albeit used, for about $25 plus tax. A reasonable price for a short, but ultimately entertaining campaign. There isn't much there in terms of replay value though. There's a hidden chapter and ending called "True Episode 18" which you can unlock by getting 5 "S" Rank clears, but it basically amounts to you playing the entire final level over again, boss included, just to get an extra couple minutes of ending which leaves things more open-ended and unresolved that the "fake" ending even managed to accomplish.

Still, at $25 (or $30 if you want to go new) this is officially the right time to pick this game up, and here's why:

About two or three years ago, this game could have easily been described as a "rental." For a lot of us however, that option is becoming less and less practical. Video stores are dying off in droves, and taking a walk down to the local Blockbuster isn't in the cards for most of us anymore. Until a new model is presented the best compromise we've got is to wait for those "rental" titles to lower in price until the prospect of buying one doesn't feel like a rip-off. It's hard to justify shelling out between $70 and $80 for this one, but for $30 or less? ... I'd hit that.

We're Back!!

Ugh... what happened? Last I remember, it was New Year's Eve 2011 and we were drinking pretty heavily... then there was something about absinth, the Scientology headquarters in Toronto, public nudity, a dare...

HOLY SHIT IT'S 2013?????

I guess we better make with some content then.

Hojo plays Bioshock

Our friend Hojo just recorded an in-depth let's play of the original Bioshock for the PS3. She's a funny gal and is also the creator of our page's logo. Won't you show her some love?

Ok Hojo, it's done. Now release my cat at once!

The Sunday Afternoon Throwdown - Mega Man!

So we found this on the internet earlier today. Due to some boredom mixed with the realization that the announcer has a feverish knowledge of young boys, we decided to add our own audio.

~Kevin and Tim~

We are so sorry.

Fuck October, lets ROCKTOBER!

Holy shit Ghostbusters!

HOLY SHIT GHOSTBUSTERS!

Ghostbusters is coming back to theaters in October. This is fucking awesome!

Ta~da! Content! I was crazy productive today!

By: Kevin "Go Get'er Ray" Macneil

Look at all the hard work he's done!

You Get: Free Shit! - Team Fortress 2

Holy shit.

OK, this just happened recently and I'm sure Valve want this to come as a big surprise so I'll give you all one chance to play it their way. Here's the video the guys clearly put alot of time and love into. If you can't make it to the end (and if not shame on you), then start reading below:

Ok, then. Team Fortress 2 is free to play. I don't know if the bold is clear enough indication of my message to you all but, Team Fortress 2 is free to play!! This means that if you have a PC or Mac that has been made in the last 3 or 4 years, you can most likely play this game. This excites me for many reasons. For one, I really enjoyed this game and, as the title of the article should suggest, I loves me some gratis. What really gets my mind racing is that this could be a chance to make 1st person shooters on my computer a viable option again. But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself here. A quick primer for the uninitiated...

"You know what? You guys stay up front with the giant bomb. I'll just hang back here."

TF2 is, as the name suggests, a Multiplayer team-based FPS with a character class system that uses Valve's Source Engine. You can choose between nine different classes. Scout, Medic, Heavy, Pyro, Soldier, Sniper, Spy, Engineer and the Demo Man. Each of them have their own special set of weapons and skills. If you've never played this on your computer, you might have played it on the Xbox 360 or PS3. It came with The Orange Box, Valve's collection of the Half-Life 2 titles plus Portal (at $20 which was an insane value for a 360 title with that much gameplay in the box), and of course, Team Fortress 2. If you didn't have access to the PSN or XBL however, the game was totally unplayable. Now not only do we get the game for free now, we get the online achievements that the console version lacked. That means you can now get all of the sweet extras from the PC version.

The power of Jarate is mine at last!

There's alot to love in this game. The colorful art style compliments the humor that the game's developers put into it, and really makes it stand amongst other shooters like Halo or Call of Duty. It also somehow turns the game's violent scenes into something far more hilarious than you get with the average Halo death, Red vs Blue non-withstanding. Playing online with a group of racist pre-teens while hit with a barrage of dreary atmosphere and murder works fine for most console shooters, but Valve's approach, especially now, could be a nice switch from all of that. With a lighter tone and some upbeat music all while keeping the copious amounts of murder intact, TF2 is a game makes you want to shoot your enemy for fun. Not out of rage of being called "Fag" by a kid whose testicles haven't even descended yet, but out of actual, honest to Christ fun.

Theres even confetti... oh, wait.

The requirement to download TF2 is pretty minimal as far as free promotions go. All you have to do is go to the site and download Steam client for your machine and sign up for an account. They have versions for both PC and Mac and both users can play against each other. It took me a minute to get set up and I guess it took the same or less for everybody else too... because the mother fucking server crashed. If that's not a sign that you should get on and try this out, I don't know what is. You could be racist, loud, or just have horrible B.O. It doesn't matter. Steam and Valve are telling us that it's OK now. Come back to shooting your friends on your desktop with a real FPS. Just come in, sign up, and pray the little bastard you're shooting in the face doesn't have built-in mic on his parent's computer.

By: Tim

Unlike some of my online competition, my testicles never descended. They ascended...to greatness!

E3: ...and then there was Nintendo.

Tim:

Since the Sony post we've been asking ourselves, "Why exactly haven't we talked about Nintendo yet?" and while it's easy to think of a reason, there real difficulty lies in narrowing it down to a single one. Busy with work, busy social lives, computer difficulties, sheer unabashed laziness, take your pick. But if I had to narrow it down to one it would have to because that it's Nintendo and they can do whatever the goddamn please and we will buy it. I don't know if I'm right about that or whether or this will be the next big thing in gaming but I'm absolutely positive that either way Nintendo will continue to be richer than Nazis.

Kevin:

Nintendo does have a solid track record when it comes to their first party titles, in most cases people buy a console from Big N because they know what's going to be on it. If you want the next Zelda, Mario, Metroid, it all comes from them and normally its done amazingly if not passable.

Please never EVER talk again.

Other M aside, Nintendo in some cases take big risks when it comes to game development. For the most part however, they normally stay safe and add a new feature here and there and try to keep it as pretty much the same game; and we love them for it. Yet during these E3 articles I myself have been giving both Sony and Microsoft crap for reusing the same titles again and again. Why is it that we let Nintendo get away with pretty much rehashing their flagships again and again? Honestly I don't know, the brand itself pumps out quality on almost a regular basis. They stay safe yet at the same time do what they can to push the boundaries of what there A-list titles can do. Where as most franchies that came out in the past few years pretty much all run the same, run and gun space shooters with bald hard as fuck army or marine motherfuckers.

I can't cum unless something dies in my hands!

Nintendo seems more geared towards how we play rather then what we play, which is more then evident at this E3.

Tim:

It's true, we do buy Nintendo games for the first party titles. Nintendo sure as hell knows it. That press conference was all about the N-pire. The first big hint to look for would have been the first 25 minutes that were dedicated solely to The Legend of Zelda. But then again, I'm not complaining about that either. I fucking love Zelda. I knew I was going to play Skyward Sword long before everything they showed us at E3 this year too. What I didn't know was that I was now going to have to buy a 3DS so I can play Ocarina of Time 3D and then get balls deep into Link's Awakening again. However, people excited about the Gameboy Virtual Console be warned... that was one of, if not the finest game the Gameboy had to offer. There's still a decent handful of solid titles but for the most part but I'm not expecting consistent quality in the release schedule. They did once think people were willing to pay $5 to play Urban Champion on the Wii.

Kevin:

I am not the biggest Mario fan, however Zelda is another story altogether. The goal with the 25th anniversary is to celebrate what makes Zelda so much fun, and what better way then to have a title released for all of their major systems this coming year (possible WII U Zelda at launch hinted at, or am I just reading in too deep) I was somewhat disappointed however. I was expecting them to release a Zelda collection with everything together, they've done it in the past but not with EVERYTHING on one collection. I also hope to catch that Zelda concert if they have a show close to us.

This would make me so much happier if I didn't have only a DS Lite. Damnit Nintendo!

Tim:

How the hell is it that when Reggie Fis-Amis tells me what I want I nod and say, "Oh yeah. I do wan-SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" If you heard this guy speak when Nintendo announced the original Wii, you were sold. You just believed. Count your blessings that this man isn't prone to talking people into suicide. But Nintendo have misstepped before. My hands-on time with the 3DS so far has been minimal but I believe that Nintendo can deliver good on their promise... in the next version. You know it's coming. 3DS Lite or the 3DXtra, or something else that will make us giggle about how close it sounds to "dick-sack." The games look great but then again of course they do, they're all Nintendo titles. I think Luigi's Mansion 2 got more stage time than the entire third party reel. Still, what they showed us: Super Mario 3D, Starfox 64 3D, Kid Icarus: Uprising, Mario Kart 3DS, while kind of expected at this point, still look like they'll be fun as hell. I'll play them all, but what I'll play them on will depend on what Nintendo has to announce at TGS in September.

Kevin:

I really wish they did focus on some of those 3rd party games, Cave Story 3DS and Snake Eater 3D really caught my eye. Not to mention Resident Evil, Tekken, Sonic, Driver, the list goes on. As usual Nintendo has a pretty strong presence in the handheld department, and they'll need it with the PS Vita being launched. Then again, when it comes to portable gaming they know their shit. I am just happy we're finally seeing Game Boy virtual console support, finally I'll be able to play all the Game Boy Mega Man titles again without having to hunt the games down. They also will have possible 3D remakes of Game and Watch titles, assuming they don't cost more the $5 I'd give them a shot.

They also annouced the 3DS' web-browser, and a 3D Pokedex. Using the AR cards that come with the 3DS your able to bring those adorable pocket monsters into the real world. The software comes with only a set few available, with more to be unlocked using AR markers. On the E-Shop for 3DS and its for free? Nintendo's a dinner and a movie away from getting in my pants.

Then they finally bring in the big guns, the Wii U!

Tim:

Ahhhh the Wii U. I've been trying figure out my feelings on this thing. I know there wasn't the same excitement there that I felt when the Wii was announced. It's not an issue of graphics or prospective new titles (New Smash Bros!), but more the controller. Yes, the whole "Hey Nintendo, this new controller is bullshit!" argument is old but I'm not quite sold on this thing yet. The iPad/Tablet craze has clearly influenced Nintendo this time and I'm still not sure if that's a good thing. The graphics look prettier sure, HDMI is always a nice touch, but the best way for Nintendo to impress us would be with implementing an online component that didn't make people want to start punching everything until the room goes quiet. I get, and even greatly appreciate, their focus on bringing people together in the same room instead of shouting racism and douche-baggery over a headset, but...wait. I take that back. I don't want that kind of hatred. Not in my Super Mario Bros. Mii.

Kevin:

From what I gather the Wii U is Nintendo's attempt to keep the audience they gained with the Wii, and bring back the gamers they lost with the Wii. Finally bringing in 3rd party titles that were found only for 360 and PS3, Nintendo finally step into the console war fully. I am still trying to get over the capabilities of that massive controller, its almost as if Nintendo has taken all of the hardware its been playing around with for the past few years with both Wii and DS and built a system with it. There is just so much to the Wii U that I'm still processing, yet at the same time we know only very little about it.

Tim:

There are still a ton of questions I have about the Wii U but I guess we'll have to wait for now. Release date? Can our haggard friend codes out be taken out back and put down at last? What's the battery life on those controllers? Can we charge it or will Iwata be getting another gift basket from Duracell this year? Also, you can only use one of them per Wii U? Really? So I guess if we all want to play with an interactive menu on our controller we'll have to...

"...you devious bastards."