Hojo plays Bioshock

Our friend Hojo just recorded an in-depth let's play of the original Bioshock for the PS3. She's a funny gal and is also the creator of our page's logo. Won't you show her some love?

Ok Hojo, it's done. Now release my cat at once!

The Sunday Afternoon Throwdown - Mega Man!

So we found this on the internet earlier today. Due to some boredom mixed with the realization that the announcer has a feverish knowledge of young boys, we decided to add our own audio.

~Kevin and Tim~

We are so sorry.

Fuck October, lets ROCKTOBER!

Holy shit Ghostbusters!

HOLY SHIT GHOSTBUSTERS!

Ghostbusters is coming back to theaters in October. This is fucking awesome!

Ta~da! Content! I was crazy productive today!

By: Kevin "Go Get'er Ray" Macneil

Look at all the hard work he's done!

You Get: Free Shit! - Team Fortress 2

Holy shit.

OK, this just happened recently and I'm sure Valve want this to come as a big surprise so I'll give you all one chance to play it their way. Here's the video the guys clearly put alot of time and love into. If you can't make it to the end (and if not shame on you), then start reading below:

Ok, then. Team Fortress 2 is free to play. I don't know if the bold is clear enough indication of my message to you all but, Team Fortress 2 is free to play!! This means that if you have a PC or Mac that has been made in the last 3 or 4 years, you can most likely play this game. This excites me for many reasons. For one, I really enjoyed this game and, as the title of the article should suggest, I loves me some gratis. What really gets my mind racing is that this could be a chance to make 1st person shooters on my computer a viable option again. But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself here. A quick primer for the uninitiated...

"You know what? You guys stay up front with the giant bomb. I'll just hang back here."

TF2 is, as the name suggests, a Multiplayer team-based FPS with a character class system that uses Valve's Source Engine. You can choose between nine different classes. Scout, Medic, Heavy, Pyro, Soldier, Sniper, Spy, Engineer and the Demo Man. Each of them have their own special set of weapons and skills. If you've never played this on your computer, you might have played it on the Xbox 360 or PS3. It came with The Orange Box, Valve's collection of the Half-Life 2 titles plus Portal (at $20 which was an insane value for a 360 title with that much gameplay in the box), and of course, Team Fortress 2. If you didn't have access to the PSN or XBL however, the game was totally unplayable. Now not only do we get the game for free now, we get the online achievements that the console version lacked. That means you can now get all of the sweet extras from the PC version.

The power of Jarate is mine at last!

There's alot to love in this game. The colorful art style compliments the humor that the game's developers put into it, and really makes it stand amongst other shooters like Halo or Call of Duty. It also somehow turns the game's violent scenes into something far more hilarious than you get with the average Halo death, Red vs Blue non-withstanding. Playing online with a group of racist pre-teens while hit with a barrage of dreary atmosphere and murder works fine for most console shooters, but Valve's approach, especially now, could be a nice switch from all of that. With a lighter tone and some upbeat music all while keeping the copious amounts of murder intact, TF2 is a game makes you want to shoot your enemy for fun. Not out of rage of being called "Fag" by a kid whose testicles haven't even descended yet, but out of actual, honest to Christ fun.

Theres even confetti... oh, wait.

The requirement to download TF2 is pretty minimal as far as free promotions go. All you have to do is go to the site and download Steam client for your machine and sign up for an account. They have versions for both PC and Mac and both users can play against each other. It took me a minute to get set up and I guess it took the same or less for everybody else too... because the mother fucking server crashed. If that's not a sign that you should get on and try this out, I don't know what is. You could be racist, loud, or just have horrible B.O. It doesn't matter. Steam and Valve are telling us that it's OK now. Come back to shooting your friends on your desktop with a real FPS. Just come in, sign up, and pray the little bastard you're shooting in the face doesn't have built-in mic on his parent's computer.

By: Tim

Unlike some of my online competition, my testicles never descended. They ascended...to greatness!

E3: ...and then there was Nintendo.

Tim:

Since the Sony post we've been asking ourselves, "Why exactly haven't we talked about Nintendo yet?" and while it's easy to think of a reason, there real difficulty lies in narrowing it down to a single one. Busy with work, busy social lives, computer difficulties, sheer unabashed laziness, take your pick. But if I had to narrow it down to one it would have to because that it's Nintendo and they can do whatever the goddamn please and we will buy it. I don't know if I'm right about that or whether or this will be the next big thing in gaming but I'm absolutely positive that either way Nintendo will continue to be richer than Nazis.

Kevin:

Nintendo does have a solid track record when it comes to their first party titles, in most cases people buy a console from Big N because they know what's going to be on it. If you want the next Zelda, Mario, Metroid, it all comes from them and normally its done amazingly if not passable.

Please never EVER talk again.

Other M aside, Nintendo in some cases take big risks when it comes to game development. For the most part however, they normally stay safe and add a new feature here and there and try to keep it as pretty much the same game; and we love them for it. Yet during these E3 articles I myself have been giving both Sony and Microsoft crap for reusing the same titles again and again. Why is it that we let Nintendo get away with pretty much rehashing their flagships again and again? Honestly I don't know, the brand itself pumps out quality on almost a regular basis. They stay safe yet at the same time do what they can to push the boundaries of what there A-list titles can do. Where as most franchies that came out in the past few years pretty much all run the same, run and gun space shooters with bald hard as fuck army or marine motherfuckers.

I can't cum unless something dies in my hands!

Nintendo seems more geared towards how we play rather then what we play, which is more then evident at this E3.

Tim:

It's true, we do buy Nintendo games for the first party titles. Nintendo sure as hell knows it. That press conference was all about the N-pire. The first big hint to look for would have been the first 25 minutes that were dedicated solely to The Legend of Zelda. But then again, I'm not complaining about that either. I fucking love Zelda. I knew I was going to play Skyward Sword long before everything they showed us at E3 this year too. What I didn't know was that I was now going to have to buy a 3DS so I can play Ocarina of Time 3D and then get balls deep into Link's Awakening again. However, people excited about the Gameboy Virtual Console be warned... that was one of, if not the finest game the Gameboy had to offer. There's still a decent handful of solid titles but for the most part but I'm not expecting consistent quality in the release schedule. They did once think people were willing to pay $5 to play Urban Champion on the Wii.

Kevin:

I am not the biggest Mario fan, however Zelda is another story altogether. The goal with the 25th anniversary is to celebrate what makes Zelda so much fun, and what better way then to have a title released for all of their major systems this coming year (possible WII U Zelda at launch hinted at, or am I just reading in too deep) I was somewhat disappointed however. I was expecting them to release a Zelda collection with everything together, they've done it in the past but not with EVERYTHING on one collection. I also hope to catch that Zelda concert if they have a show close to us.

This would make me so much happier if I didn't have only a DS Lite. Damnit Nintendo!

Tim:

How the hell is it that when Reggie Fis-Amis tells me what I want I nod and say, "Oh yeah. I do wan-SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" If you heard this guy speak when Nintendo announced the original Wii, you were sold. You just believed. Count your blessings that this man isn't prone to talking people into suicide. But Nintendo have misstepped before. My hands-on time with the 3DS so far has been minimal but I believe that Nintendo can deliver good on their promise... in the next version. You know it's coming. 3DS Lite or the 3DXtra, or something else that will make us giggle about how close it sounds to "dick-sack." The games look great but then again of course they do, they're all Nintendo titles. I think Luigi's Mansion 2 got more stage time than the entire third party reel. Still, what they showed us: Super Mario 3D, Starfox 64 3D, Kid Icarus: Uprising, Mario Kart 3DS, while kind of expected at this point, still look like they'll be fun as hell. I'll play them all, but what I'll play them on will depend on what Nintendo has to announce at TGS in September.

Kevin:

I really wish they did focus on some of those 3rd party games, Cave Story 3DS and Snake Eater 3D really caught my eye. Not to mention Resident Evil, Tekken, Sonic, Driver, the list goes on. As usual Nintendo has a pretty strong presence in the handheld department, and they'll need it with the PS Vita being launched. Then again, when it comes to portable gaming they know their shit. I am just happy we're finally seeing Game Boy virtual console support, finally I'll be able to play all the Game Boy Mega Man titles again without having to hunt the games down. They also will have possible 3D remakes of Game and Watch titles, assuming they don't cost more the $5 I'd give them a shot.

They also annouced the 3DS' web-browser, and a 3D Pokedex. Using the AR cards that come with the 3DS your able to bring those adorable pocket monsters into the real world. The software comes with only a set few available, with more to be unlocked using AR markers. On the E-Shop for 3DS and its for free? Nintendo's a dinner and a movie away from getting in my pants.

Then they finally bring in the big guns, the Wii U!

Tim:

Ahhhh the Wii U. I've been trying figure out my feelings on this thing. I know there wasn't the same excitement there that I felt when the Wii was announced. It's not an issue of graphics or prospective new titles (New Smash Bros!), but more the controller. Yes, the whole "Hey Nintendo, this new controller is bullshit!" argument is old but I'm not quite sold on this thing yet. The iPad/Tablet craze has clearly influenced Nintendo this time and I'm still not sure if that's a good thing. The graphics look prettier sure, HDMI is always a nice touch, but the best way for Nintendo to impress us would be with implementing an online component that didn't make people want to start punching everything until the room goes quiet. I get, and even greatly appreciate, their focus on bringing people together in the same room instead of shouting racism and douche-baggery over a headset, but...wait. I take that back. I don't want that kind of hatred. Not in my Super Mario Bros. Mii.

Kevin:

From what I gather the Wii U is Nintendo's attempt to keep the audience they gained with the Wii, and bring back the gamers they lost with the Wii. Finally bringing in 3rd party titles that were found only for 360 and PS3, Nintendo finally step into the console war fully. I am still trying to get over the capabilities of that massive controller, its almost as if Nintendo has taken all of the hardware its been playing around with for the past few years with both Wii and DS and built a system with it. There is just so much to the Wii U that I'm still processing, yet at the same time we know only very little about it.

Tim:

There are still a ton of questions I have about the Wii U but I guess we'll have to wait for now. Release date? Can our haggard friend codes out be taken out back and put down at last? What's the battery life on those controllers? Can we charge it or will Iwata be getting another gift basket from Duracell this year? Also, you can only use one of them per Wii U? Really? So I guess if we all want to play with an interactive menu on our controller we'll have to...

"...you devious bastards."

Soon.

We're in the middle of finishing up our E3 talk so we can move on to other things. In the meantime, here's the one good thing from Greendog. Just roll with it.

Haruokay @ The Sony E3 2011 Press Conference

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

E3: A Week later and then some.

Tim:

OK, so E3 has come and gone. Officially. Now us huddled masses can go from waiting from the announcement date, to waiting for more news on a release date so we'll know when we can stop waiting. And we fucking love it. E3 is a wonderful time if you're a gamer, regardless of whether or not you were in actual attendance. Thanks to the wonderdrug called the internet, me and my associate have been ingesting a steady diet of game media. We endured, we persevered, we bled from eyes, possibly saw Jesus, napped, and have returned (Kind of, but not in any way like Jesus) to give our impressions of what has been announced and what is to come. Why? Because... fuck you! Thats why.

Kevin:

Why must you tell the reader off? Its hard enough to write this shit without you shaking a gun at them!

First off Microsoft:

Kevin:

Microsoft seems to be gearing the Xbox more towards being seen as an entertainment center then just a game console. With the addition of Youtube and live TV, Microsoft is trying to appeal to everyone by offering more the just games to their system. Plus the addition of UFC to XBL, you can tell that they understand most of their core audience. Last year they announced EPSN to the line up of services that XBL has, yet I no longer see it on the marketplace (assuming it was ever implemented to begin with.) There is a bit more of a correlation between people who are gamers and people who are UFC fans which would make more sense. Yet I still feel like gaming as I remember it is something of the past.

Tim:
The best way to sum this one up would be that this year's press conference echoed the one that Microsoft had prepared last year. However, accurate as that may be, it makes for a boring article so let's put it another way: It was the exact same presentation. Kinect, new Fable, new Halo, new Gears of War, Kinect, exploitation of children, Kinect, and dancing. Always with the dancing.

Kevin:

Kinect is a fantastic device, I have had the time to play around with it and its fun. The types of games currently out for it however, all seem pretty much the same. Party games simular to what you’d find on Wii (a demographic of gamers MS is trying to appel to) and it works to a degree. Having a Sesame Street game done by Double-Fine and a virtual Disneyland sound interesting but if they are really going to focus on Kinect they should really try pushing the bounds of what it can do. Its pretty much the same as last years fare; with an update to their sports party game KINECT SPORTS SEASON 2, and Dance Central 2 its almost an echo of what they did at the previous E3.

We are the future!

Tim:

Still, there is something to be said about following through with what you started. Kinect didn't exactly thrill me upon it's initial announcement last year. It made me think of two things: 1) The obvious vie for Nintendo's (With Sony on the horizon's), motion-control market. Which brings me to 2) This shit has been attempted before. Recently. Does anybody not remember the Eye Toy? The PS2 peripheral that, like most PS2 peripherals, didn't work quite as great as advertised, and barely had any software support. (IE - Games) Microsoft have added enough titles to the Kinect's roster to make me want to believe there's a chance this thing could work well. The cynic in me isn't hearing any of that shit though. He's been burned before. Remember the first wave of Wii titles? Remember playing Red Steel for the first time and feeling dirty? I think it'll be a matter of time before we see how many of these titles feel like they weren't shoehorned in but a few titles seem to have promise. The Gunstringer in particular has kept my attention. The "puppet master" control scheme is something new and, mixed with humor and Lloyd Kaufman (Toxic Avenger yo), could be the first good game for Kinect that isn't a essentially tech demo.

Potential

Kevin:

While they also plan on adding Kinect support to some of the EA sports titles and Mass Effect 3, there are only three things that really interested me when discussing Kinect and E3. The Ghost Recon weapon customization demo, Fable The Journey, and Star Wars Kincet. While I am not a big FPS fan, the Kinect demo did demonstrate a more comfortable flow when dealing with menus arranging items and the like. Not to mention how he controlled it during the weapon test. When looking at Fable The Journey the aspect of moving our hands to conjure spells and attacks look very interesting during the conference, however I wonder if The Journey is going to be anything more then a medieval fantasy rail shooter. Lets hope I am wrong. Star Wars Kinect looked like a fun title, however again I feel that it was more of a suped up rail shooter, in most cases that is what it feels like when playing most of these motion control games. The core mechanics feel well but the execution when it comes to bring it more interactive and immersive come into play, you’re still just a silly retard flailing their arms about like a jackass. Not to mention it looks like a creep robot that studies you, constantly!

"I can see you masturbating."

Tim:

One Kinect feature starting to be utilized more (as seen with Mass Effect 3) is voice command. I am excited for this and incredibly wary about this feature for one reason: what happens if you're playing with another person in the room? Even if Kinect is able to single out your voice when recognizing commands, will you be a mute to everybody else in the room? The only real options are to be a dick and ignore everybody or talk and end up giving out accidental commands triggered by the wrong word. Maybe some games will have fail safes built in but smart money says there will be some rushed titles that won't.

Also, another interesting note on voice command. The new "Bing" service. You know, the one where you can navigate menu's via voice command? It seems pretty sophisticated but this is another one of those thing that better have selective voice recognition. Anybody remember "Lord of the Flies"? Well think of the XBox controller as a conch. Imagine an environment where control of the floor was no longer regulated to a single person. Anybody save for a deaf/mute will be able to interject on any choice a person in the room makes. Player 1 will cease to exist and what starts out as a fun family night with Netflix, mutates into a triple murder-suicide.

"Socks to your Ass-mar!"

Kevin:

On that note Halo CE is making a comeback, an anniversary edition which is a remastered 360 remake of the original Halo with the classic multiplayer maps and everything. Not to mention the end of the press conference which announced Halo 4 and the start of a new trilogy. I can’t really think of anything else they can do with Halo, the controls are pretty spot on and the game itself in most if not all of its forms is still playable online somewhere. Isn’t it time to give it a bit of a rest for a year or two (we haven’t made it to the Nintendo article yet and I ask for a series to take a break).

Tim:

Ok, a new Halo game. It's not bad news but it's not really the kind of surprise to leave your presentation on. It was a surprise when developer Bungie announced that Halo: Reach would be the company's last Halo game but I don't think there was any question of whether or not one of Microsoft's biggest cash cows was going to continue with Microsoft still owning the rights.

Also, you're adopted!

Kevin:

Last year they had a playable demo of Gears 3, this year its a new playable part of the campaign (and Ice-T. Did they not have a rapper last year too?) It got the same amount of screen time it did last year and really didn’t add anything new. I understand that it takes time to make a game and that big franchises sell consoles, but isn’t it time for a bit more variety? (Again, not at the nintendo article yet)

Tim:

But of course there's variety. You can play as a woman this time around. Diversity! Oh wait, they told us about that last year...

Kevin:

Overall I feel while there are some interesting keypoints that MS had to show us overall it felt much like (well pretty much the same) as last year. With Sony releasing a new handheld this year and Nintendo releasing a new console Microsoft had a lot to contend with. Perhaps they are holding out that many will just be happy with the Halo 4 teaser while they cobble together a new console that hopefully won’t die a bit after launch.

Up next Sony...

Prepare to be "moved".